They see me rollin’…

After almost 10 days of not going outside, I was close to clawing up the walls. So, Mum offered to take me out for a spin this afternoon, and my new set of wheels was kindly donated by a local couple, who thought it’d be handy for me to use to get out and about.

It didn’t start well. As I stretched to tuck in my shoelaces, the chair tipped forwards and I managed a reverse wheelie. I have to admit, I had my doubts at first. My leg stuck out awkwardly with the brace.

I had Fred’s lead in my hand, and he wasn’t impressed with our slow pace. Mum pushed me around the main village corner, and we admired the flower pots. Some friendly dog walkers stopped to say hello, and wanted to know what had happened. Before I could say a word, Mum answered ‘Well, it’s a long story, but basically it was a magician’s trick gone wrong.’ We wheeled off.

It is now my mission to invent newfangled stories to save myself from the boredom of my medical backlog (and theirs).

As we rolled down the hill, I made sure Mum was concentrating and not hatching any plans to let go of the chair – there was not one, but two old folk homes at the base of the hill. Having forgotten my crutches, I would have been completely scuppered if she chose to donate me.

Mum began to hum the theme tune of Antiques Roadshow (something I only know thanks to Gogglebox – is that worse?), and I told her these weren’t the sort of tunes I wanted for my new ride. I start singing ‘They see me rollin’, they hatin’, patrollin’ they tryin’ to catch me ridin’ dirrrtttyyy.’ Mum continues to push me in silence.

We then hit an incline, and the effort of pushing me up – although without a grumble – had made her overheat. She wanted me to take her coat and drape it over my legs, but I refused. I was wheelbound, not eighty.

Instead, she tried to push it into the back pocket. This reminded me of that same discomfort when the passenger behind you on a plane inadvertently rearranges your internal organs when reaching for the magazines.

As I wasn’t moving, I began to get cold (but still refused the leg blanket). It began to rain a bit, despite having been a gloriously sunny day so far. I pushed my hood up, just in time too: Mum sneezed.

My brace was beginning to dig into the top of my leg now, so I propped up my foot with the other. This worked until we hit the tree roots in the pavement, and those really knobbly orange paving stones at crossings. Mum pointed out a potential modification piece to pimp my ride – a huge plank of wood by a skip. It would be perfect for holding up my leg AND clearing a path from tourists in town.

Pictures clockwise from top L: Struggling with sunlight, in my flash new wheels, blue skies, Fred wondering why I even came home.


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